Liz Schauer

In a few days, I turn 25. I have been waiting for this moment for more years than is reasonably acceptable, and IT IS FINALLY HERE! See, I’ve always been insecure about my age. I have this fear that I will be underestimated or discounted because I am ‘young,’ but being 25 feels like perfectly old enough. Needless to say, I’m excited – a whole stinking quarter of a century!

As always, hindsight is 20/20 and things that didn’t make sense a few months ago are staring to become less confusing, and in the days leading into my favorite birthday of my life, I actually feel myself growing up. A large dose of projects I didn’t I deserve, hard conversations that I wish were avoided, and meetings and tasks I used to mess up have caused me to change and grow. I’m no longer the 23-year-old college grad turned ops director with zero experience; I am (going to be) a 25-year-old ‘adult’ with a job who has learned from a ton of mistakes. I am less anxious and more free.

Over the past few years, I have been loved tremendously well. Best friends and acquaintances, coworkers and volunteers, family and neighbors – all have loved me, just as I am, not because of what I’ve accomplished or what title I hold or what I have done for them. This love has shown me the power of grace and acceptance. I was once solely in pursuit of approval from people, but the love that God has lavished on me through the people he has put in my life has set me free from that. To each of you who have loved me – I cannot thank you enough. First John 4:12 says that even though we don’t see God, we can know him through community and his love is shown as perfect through the love we show each other. That love has changed my life in ways that I can never describe. So again, I thank you and I hope that one day in Heaven, Jesus will show you all the ways that your love has healed me.

More recently, I have been given opportunities that I do not deserve. I remember sitting in a manager training a few years ago about hiring. They talked about resumes and interview questions, past experience and transferable experience, and then I asked the HR Director why/how they would hire someone with zero experience. He talked about risk and seeing potential in people, and how great leaders have the ability to bring out greatness in others. Some people can look at where I’m at today and attribute it to hard work. Sure, I have worked hard, but I wouldn’t be here if people did not take risks on me (seriously, I’m not just saying that). Here are just a few of the majors:

• At 17, my Young Life leaders took a risk on me (a brand new Christian) in giving me a leadership role in the ministry.
• At 18, Shane took a risk on me and worked around an Impact rule (freshmen in college couldn’t be leaders at the time) to make me a small group leader.
• At 20, Jen gave me the opportunity to lead the Hoffman House Group. Being a college student who lived 1.5 hours away, I would not have been my top candidate.
• At 21, Impact offered me a part time job.
• At 23, Bryan took a huge risk on me and made me (someone with literally zero operations experience) a director. This is insane people – this does not happen. (Fun fact – Bryan led the serving trip I went on in high school, so how he got over knowing me as a high school student to letting me run ops for the ministry is beyond me.)
• At 24, I was asked to run all of Christmas Ticketing for Willow with the caveat that if I messed it up, it would only impact 70,000 people – no pressure. The opportunity grew me in more ways than I can describe, the trust and belief that people had in me changed my confidence.

The truth is, I am a product of people who have believed in me and invested in me. My whole life I have struggled with not feeling good enough, which most often came out as over-compensated arrogance, but nonetheless I was deeply insecure. To each of you who saw something in me that I never saw in myself, thank you. You are the reason that I am where I am and who I am today. I want to take risks on people, because people have taken risks on me. Everyone has something, and sometimes they need someone to call out that something so it can become something great.

With all that risk, however, was the chance that I would fail, and I have. The times when emails were sent that shouldn’t have been, words were said that should have been filtered, budgets were in the red instead of the black, schedules were mixed up, buses were late, details were missed, communication failed, the list goes on. I’ve messed up a lot, but I have learned this one thing: It will always be okay. It has always been okay, and it always will be. My mistakes will not derail the entire world; I don’t have to take myself so seriously because the show will go on. I have been given chances, I have messed some of them up, and everyone is still alive and kicking. Knowing that it will be okay has allowed me to take chances, to fail, to learn, and to grow. Life is too short to fear failure (please tell me this every day), and the mistakes we make are opportunities for grace and growth.

Speaking of grace, the dozens of fights I have had with people have caused me to grow up. I am a serious flight-er. When a fight happens, I’m out. If I can’t get out, the phrase “I don’t think we are going to make it” repeats in my mind on high speed. I remember moments in college when Katie and I would fight so bad that we would stand across a room from each other in silence…for hours (seriously). One day, she said, “If you walk out that door, things will change.” Moments like that taught me to stick it out. Mia and I could not be more different, so our fights can be quite dramatic. Some times she will leave to think and process. This always triggers my fear of abandonment and makes me more irrational and weak than any normal person should be, but she always comes back and we always work it out. Moments like that taught me that fights don’t equal abandonment. A few months ago, Bryan and I got in a fight because I was tired and drained and said some things out of raw emotion. He sat with me, listened, let me cry, admitted his own mistakes, and showed me more grace than I deserved. In the days following, he checked in and constantly reiterated that he was ‘in my corner.’ Moments like that taught me that people are for me, that I can trust them, that I can work through problems and admit my own failings. These fights, and countless more, have grown me up and taught me the power of kindness, compassion, and love.

Last but not least, Jesus. I mean really, Jesus. The most recent revelation I have had is that Jesus has been growing and shaping my identity. That sounds simple, and it probably is, but it feels huge for me. I have been a chameleon of sorts – always changing myself to fit in or accommodate so people will like me. I mentor high school girls and navigating through their boy drama is redemptive and heart wrenching at the same time. I see how beautiful and worthy they are, and yet so many boys treat them as less than…and they accept it. I had a moment the other day when I thought to myself, “I am a woman of God, I deserve to be treated that way, I deserve to be cherished and honored and respected.” If you know anything about my story, you will know that that was not always the case. Over the years, Jesus has built a foundation. His faithfulness has become something I can depend on, his Word something I can trust. If he says I am perfect and beautiful, you bet I am going to believe it. So, to Jesus, thanks for your patience, your kindness, and your grace. I pray that my life reflects who you are because you have transformed me, you have rescued me from the pit, you have put my feet on solid ground, and I want my life to be about you and you alone.

So here’s to growing up, to FINALLY being 25. I have felt the ‘growing up’ part way more lately than I was hoping, but I could not be more grateful. Growing up is about learning to receive love, not just give it; about choosing to take chances even if you can fail, because everything will be okay; it is about working through problems and baggage, even if you fight, because they are opportunities for grace to break through and wounds to be healed; it is about believing in one another, and calling out the best; and it is about seeking Jesus with raw honesty, because each day he builds up our identity and it might take years for us to notice. We work and work and go to counseling and process and establish friendships and at some point we have to look back and see that we have, in fact, changed more than we expected and there are countless people who played a part in that. To each and every one of you who have played a part: Thank you.