Liz Schauer

The past few weeks I have found my heart racing more than my mind, which is unusual. God is stirring in my soul, he is pulling at my heart, and leaving my thoughts with one simple sentence: Become a woman of grace.

I wouldn’t readily call myself a woman of grace. A woman who has experienced grace, yes, but not one that walks in it daily, giving it to each person I come across. I have always been black and white, there is right and there is wrong, there is happiness and sadness, hurt and healing. The lines between those things aren’t as clear as I once thought or wished. Life is messy, it is painful, yet it is so deeply redemptive and glorious. The hard and the beautiful live at the same time as we journey into a deeper understanding of God’s love for us.

As I’ve journeyed through my own personal bumps in the road, I have received more love than I could have ever asked for. Moments of vulnerability within the confines of community have paved the way for unconditional love that could only be from God himself delivered through the words, hugs, and eyes of a friend. I was always a closed off person, the helper, the one who was strong for others, but rarely asked for help myself. Deep loneliness has followed me through this, but a shift is starting to come. When you do life with people for a long time, they see you at your best, but more often at your mundane and then at your worst. For some reason, these standards of striving to be our best fall flat with deep friendship and grace breaks through.

In the midst of a camp season, thinking about my future, and changes in my personal life, there is one thing that I want to be true of me – I want to be a woman of grace. I want to soak in the grace God has shown me through his presence and through the people he has placed in my life, and I want to extend that to others. I want my words, my actions, even my very thoughts to be full of grace. In pain, I want to show love. In confusion, I want to show faith. In weakness, I want to show the humility to accept love and grace from others.

I don’t exactly know what it means to be a woman of grace, but I cannot get the phrase out of my mind. I want to be honorable, I want to be honoring, I want to be full of grace and joy, I want to extend forgiveness without being asked, I want to build others up even when affirmation isn’t being sought. I want to see others with the eyes of Jesus, and I want others to feel his Spirit in me. I want to carry the aroma of Christ everywhere that I go. I want my life to be one that encourages, one that is not perfect, but that is open to freely give and freely receive. I want to grieve with respect; I want to be disappointed without retaliation.

Letting go of my idea of what my future should look like has been incredibly difficult, yet also so easy. There is a comfort in Christ that is new to me now. I am alone, yet not lonely. I am on my own, but I am surrounded. Even in sad moments, I am overwhelmed with blessings that I could never dream up for myself. I have a tribe of people who love me in ways that I have never experienced. I am learning to let people in and I am experiencing God in new ways because of it. I am okay because of who God is, regardless of my circumstances.

Maybe you are like me – the strong one, the one who always has it together, who is there for everyone else, who rarely shows moments of weakness or vulnerability. Sometimes life is easier that way, but it is not nearly as rich. Maybe strength is actually found in our weakness, courage in openness, steadfastness in not always being steady. We have been given a tremendous gift in the Body of Christ and we are not alone. Perhaps becoming a woman of grace is more about being surrounded by the Body and being open to receive so that we can truly give.