Liz Schauer

The idea for this post has been milling in my mind for weeks. As you know, I like clarity. I enjoy when things are articulated well, when they are fully fleshed out, when they make sense. This post is a compilation of thoughts and prayers that I thought were totally unrelated, until Sunday. 

Let me preface with this: nothing is wrong. I’m not facing a major fork in the road. My life isn’t falling apart. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I feel blessed beyond comprehension. Never before have I been in a stage of life with this amount of community and joy. The past few weeks have been full of God’s presence and his Word. He has spoken to me in amazing ways, which brings us back to this past Sunday.

Sundays are long days – meetings, church, House Groups, small groups…The last few weeks I started attending a worship and prayer group on Sunday evenings that meets about 45 minutes away. It has become a place for me to rest and refuel. It is a place in which I have no responsibility – people do not look to me to lead, in fact, they don’t even know me yet.

I was laying on a row of chairs in a room full of Christ followers while we all listened to worship music and engaged however we felt led. My heart was full of gladness as I recounted the ways that God has blessed me recently. In a moment of stillness, the Lord gave me a phrase that he asked me to pray would be true in my own life. The prayer?

Lord, make me brave.

As I began to repeat the phrase, a rush of emotions filled my soul. Why did I need to pray for bravery? What would I need to be brave in? What was coming up? Am I not brave?

In a moment of silence, the Lord assured me that I would not know the reasons, that I should just pray. 

Here is my confession: I’m not really that brave. People think that I am – I travel to Africa frequently, I go on road trips, I lead big things – I’m not that brave. Deep down in my spirit, there is a part of me that knows that my bravery is inconsistently real. I like to tell myself that I am brave, but half the time I fake it.  When I really think about it, my only prayer is

Lord, make me brave.

During that time of worship and rest, I felt led to read through the book of Colossians. I came across this amazing truth:

For in [Christ] the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. (Colossians 2:9-10)

You have been filled. I have been filled. Filled with the one in whom the fullness of God dwelt. I was amazed, and I still am amazed. In the midst of my prayers for bravery, the Lord showed me where it can be found. 

With that being said, the other image that has been ruminating in my mind has been that of a cracked jar filled with light. During a time of prayer a few weeks ago, I saw three different pictures:

1. A cracked jar with the focal point on the cracks. With the focus solely on the pieces of cracked pottery, the light became a blur.
2. A cracked jar with the focus on the light, essentially blurring out the jar entirely with the consuming light.
3. A slop of a cracked jar, clay, and broken pieces. There were hands covered in clay trying to fill in the cracks.

In these pictures, God was showing me the importance of his light that shines forth from the cracks. Scripture talks about us being clay in the hands of a potter, a people who are shaped by God, a people who carry the light of the Gospel in our jars. The cracks in our jars, and essentially in our lives, allow for the glory of God to shine. Second Corinthians 4:7 says this:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

All too often in my own life, I focus on my cracks, my pain, and my problems. I focus on what I have or don’t have. I focus on my strengths and my accomplishments – not just on the pieces that have broken off. My eyes become fixed on both the good and the bad in my life, but at the end of the day, they are focused on some part of the jar. That focus causes the light of God to be blurred and dimmed. Other times, I try to fix myself. In my efforts to do so, I end up concealing the light that God wants to shine. 

So what’s the point? I want to focus on the light that God is breaking forth through my cracks. I want my weaknesses to give glory to the one who is strong. I want to know that at the end of the day, all I am and all I have is the Lord’s; my job is not to be a beautiful pot, it is to carry light. The treasure is in the jar of clay, it is not the jar of clay.

Does this have anything to do with being brave? Initially, I didn’t think so. As I have prayed, and quite honestly just repeated the words Lord, make me brave, I have come to see that being brave is much more about who He is than who I am. I know that Jesus is preparing me to be brave, and it is coming in the form of being a broken jar. 

The moment I focus on my jar of a life, fixate on the cracks in it, or try to sloppily fill them in, bravery evades me. In the past, I would confidently say that bravery is about being strong and facing your fears. Now, I am beginning (emphasize beginning) to see that being brave is about embracing my fears and exchanging them for the light that is within. 

And with that, I pray one more time: Lord, make me brave. 

This week I am embarking on a journey to eliminate all forms of media in my life. No TV, no movies, no Facebook, no music (Lord help me), I’m deleting all social media apps from my phone, I’m unplugging. Wish me luck, pray for me – specifically that the Lord would teach me more about what it means to be brave. I am hoping that just as he spoke to me in moments of silence this past Sunday, he will speak to me in the many, many silent moments this next week.